Mamafierce | H&M
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I have to preface this post by saying nothing will ever replace crop tops in my heart. Nothing. Feeling myself hard enough to wear a crop top was a life-changing experience. I understand how trivial that sounds but imagine if you were my fupa and you spent your entire life in hiding and one day, a magical piece of clothing set you free. So, yeah. Just let that simmer for a while.

Even though crop tops were my number one middle finger to fatphobic fashion, mesh tops are really rising to the top of my list. But how about a mesh top you can tie into a knotted crop? Mind blown.

Nothing to wear plus size mesh top

Nothing to wear plus size mesh topIt was Mother’s Day and I was having a MOMENT with this concha. Not only was it the best I have had since I was a kid, it fucking matched my lipstick. I need to work with food props more often.

Nothing to wear plus size mesh top

“Corazooooooooooooon.”

Nothing to wear plus size mesh top

Pink concha

Sure fine I gave you life but I can see that’s not enough so here take my delicious concha. Grumble.

I actually blame the serendipitous concha/lipstick matching to my recent pinktastic episodes in which I just pile on the blush and bashful to an obscene degree like right about now…

Floral mesh plus size bodysuit

Yep. Those are fuzzy pink sandals. And pink velvet.

Floral mesh plus size bodysuit

And my hair is a wee bit pink.

Floral mesh plus size bodysuit

And it’s imperative that I talk about this bralette I am wearing–my first purchase from Rue 21. While I love bralettes and have learned to embrace my natural breast shape in return for ditching fucking underwires, this magical thing told me I could have it all. It has structure AND comfort. It is Christmas.

So do you guys remember those Magic Slate things where you can draw or write on neon pink plastic that clings to a white board underneath? This top makes me feel like a human version of that.

Neon orange plus size mesh top

Neon orange plus size mesh top

Neon orange plus size mesh top

No need to stop, drop, and roll. I am not really on fire.

Neon orange plus size mesh top

Neon orange plus size mesh top

Neon orange plus size mesh topMirror nails and glitter eyes. My middle name is toofuckingmuchomgstop. I scare myself sometimes.

Neon orange plus size mesh top

See?

Shopping Linkies:

Nothing to wear top | Forever 21 (Get 2% Cash Back at Ebates! Join here.)
Floral mesh bodysuit | Forever 21
Velvet pants | Rue 107
Lace bralette | Rue 21
Faux fur sandals | Amazon
Neon mesh top | ASOS (Get 5% Cash Back at Ebates! Join here.)

**Please support the links that support this blog!

fur vest

It seems that my crack as of late is top and bottom combos. While rompers and jumpsuits were solidly at the top of my hot list, matching tops and bottoms have taken the lead due to one crucial element–a little belly action. You cannot escape my belly these days. Now you see it, now you–oh. Nope. Still there.

And while I was steadily stocking up on all the combos I would ever possibly need, the criteria for buying them became more strict. But believe it or not, I did not nor ever before own a single piece of velvet clothing. Obviously, I could not resist this H&M velvet crop top and velvet skirt in rich merlot.

Also, that was a hard pose to hold. Here’s me almost falling.

fur vest

As for the fur vest (similar here), spike necklace and WTF-is-that-neon-green-lipstick, I think there’s a couple of things responsible for this and they are both totally 90s–Brad Pitt in Fight Club and this picture of OTEP. These were the images coming to mind when I was pulling pieces together. The green lipstick, which is actually a blend of two colors from Limnit Lipstick on Etsy, is just me getting weird with it. I am pleased.

velvet crop top

All these pieces will get me through winter just swimingly until my hunt for rompers will recommence.

 

 

catprint1

YES. MORE. CAT. PRINT.

Guys, you don’t even know. This was a huuLONG time coming. Yet again, a sizing snafu has come in between me and “the look.” This H&M crop top and shorts combo in its largest size, a whopping 16, was obscenely too small. Like five inches around the waist too few. I’ve bought a 16 from them before with no issue whatsoever so WTF?

I would have just returned it but the cats looked up at me with their sad little faces and cold little noses and said but I thought we found a forever home don’t take us back to the kill shelter GAH. So I found a wonderful woman on Yelp who took fabric from the top to take out the shorts. I ended up removing the sleeves and taking a little more length off the top with my own sloppy sewing machine skills just to get the right amount of “crop.” The result is a completely different silhouette but totally for the better.

Thanks for the fabric, H&M. Now get your shit together and stop half-assing plus size clothing. Or do you not want a piece of the HUNDREDS of dollars I throw down at Eloquii on the reg? Is my money too fat for you, too?

catprint2Another pro besides how obviously fabulous this outfit is is how awesome it is for getting the shit beat out of you by toddlers.

catprint3

Yes that is pure glee on my son’s face as he fills his tiny first with my hair that is STILL RECOVERING from postpartum hair-loss JUST TAKE IT ALL DUDE WHATEVER. My cousin’s kid in the pink and my niece in the white are, understandably, horrified. Nonetheless, shorts. Shorts are the rough and tumble yet yoga-pants-refusing mom’s best friend. Fashion, function, no unexpected crotch shots. Add a pair of tights and you’re fool proof.

 

jumpsuit1You almost feel like you are getting away with something when you wear anything like this gorgeous and luxuriously soft H&M jumpsuit to work. Or anywhere outside the house for that matter. It feels like pajamas, it even kinda looks like them. Throw on a belt and leopard sandals, and you are totally fooling people into thinking you are suffering for fashion like normal.

jumpsuit2But literally, the most uncomfortable thing I wore that day was my ColourPop Ultra Matte in Limbo, and by uncomfortable I mean as uncomfortable as any long-staying lipstick can possibly be. That was my suffering for the day. Worth it.

jumpsuit3Warrior pose. I should have bought another one just for yoga. Live and learn.