I’m going to do that thing again where I pull from the massive trash pile of useless pop-culture knowledge that makes up maybe 72% of my brain to set the scene of this next piece but, you remember that episode of Roseanne when she does a boudoir shoot for Valentine’s day? That was always how I thought it would go down with a real photographer, in some Sears-portrait-studio type setting only with a rickety day bed as the only prop and enough cheese-cloth filter to make me look like a stripper’s ghost.
But the right photographer, my friends, she can make literal magic happen. And she can make it happen on your butt.
After this picture, I accused my photog and good friend Suma Jane Dark of hiding an ass double in the closet and drugging me so I wouldn’t remember the ol’ switcheroo. But napes. That is indeed my culo. And as much as I couldn’t wait to show it to my husband, this really wasn’t the motivation behind doing a boudoir shoot. Some people have a hard time wrapping their heads around that one. Why do something like this if not for your sexual partner? I’m happy to break it down for you, then urge you to find a good photog and practice your booty toot. Boudoir is life-giving for these reasons:
1. It’s a Bold Move
I’ve never been bungee jumping but I might someday. This is NOT AT ALL because I think it will really be fun or enjoyable. But I might do it because it’s one of those things I can say I had the balls to do and pat myself on the back for it in times I feel meek and scared. I do scary shit often for this very reason. It’s an investment in my empowerment among other things. Boudoir is also kind of like that. However, I’ve never heard of anyone dying from it so, bonus.
2. Wow Moments
Remember my reaction to my own butt? A skilled photographer knows your angles seconds after meeting you and knows how to direct you. It’s not about flattering or concealing. It’s about how the right light can make your skin look flawless and the right pose can release all your sexual magnetism all at once like a goddamn tsunami. Your shoot will allow you to see yourself like never before and bow to your own femme powers of attraction. You bask in that black magik! Bask!
3. Lingerie Love
Listen, some of us just really REALLY like lingerie and if it weren’t for the patriarchy, we would wear it to work, at the grocery store, walking the fucking dog, everywhere. I realize, if it weren’t for the patriarchy we wouldn’t HAVE lingerie and the male gaze affects all femmes buuuuut here we are and we can’t even enjoy it? Here, take this oppressive, uncomfortable thing but don’t enjoy it, no stop that!
Fuck all that.
I got a taste of the frilly shit for better or worse and I want to rock it. It’s that simple.
4. Why So Serious?
Without fail, every damn time my husband asks me to make a sexy face, I give him some cartoon-ass shit with a finger in my mouth while making some god-awful ehhhhhh noise. He recently discovered its best to ask me to make the face I make while eating stale Oreos. Being sexy on command is hard and feels stupid! Any good photog knows this and makes the event actually, for realsies fun. It also helps when you have a good friend come with you, just to flash you her boobs in the name of a good candid laugh shot. True story. Thanks again, Laurel. <3
5. Hai Sexuality Hey
I’m a working mom. I am always thigh-deep in a to-do list. Making time for intimacy with my husband is a must but it doesn’t always guarantee that I will at all feel like a sexual being for that two-hour window during nap time. Getting reacquainted with my own sexuality on my time without my partner is unbelievably refreshing. Boudoir does this, maybe not during the process so much but definitely in the aftermath. Seeing yourself in this light can be an awakening. I still have it going on. My partner is lucky as shit. When is nap time?
All photos by Suma Jane Dark.